I daydream about Chris Evans (the maladaptive daydreaming effect)
Yes, I said it (or rather, I wrote it): I sometimes intentionally daydream about Chris Evans. I come up with complex scenarios that could easily be used for a 90s-style rom-com. I have been doing it for years and have never really paused to think about what it meant or why I was doing it (except, of course, because I find him very attractive, and I think his dog is the cutest, haha).
But I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD, and diving into what it meant for me on a practical level, I came across a concept that looked familiar: maladaptive daydreaming.
Now don't get me wrong. All human beings daydream; all human beings experience some kind of mind wandering from time to time. What I am talking about here is slightly different but also slightly more concerning.
Here is the best way to describe this concept that I found in my research:
"Maladaptive daydreaming is different from regular daydreaming in terms of content, controllability, frequency, and your experience, including distress it causes and its impact on daily life.
It's also different from mind wandering, as it involves structured, intentionally generated fantasy narratives."
Do you see where I am going with this? "Structured, intentionally generated fantasy narratives"… Now, reading this, I felt called out, but also asked myself "Wait, isn't it something everybody does?" Apparently not.
So why do I?
The neuroscientist Bobbi Banks said: "Maladaptive daydreaming is used as a coping mechanism and is considered to be a form of dissociation, normally in response to previous trauma or chronic loneliness. People who experience maladaptive daydreaming report vividly daydreaming for hours or even days, often in an attempt to escape painful experiences, memories or triggers."
Wow. A response to trauma and chronic loneliness… Yeah, this seemed about right. In a world where technology may seem to bring us together but actually re-enforces loneliness, and after several lockdowns that left us feeling more isolated than ever, no wonder I was intentionally seeking refuge in my own mind more often.
Here is the thing though: I consider my ability to seek maladaptive daydreaming as a strength. Yes, a strength. Because I am a creative person who loves writing stories, building worlds and scenarios that take place in an alternate reality. I know it is fantasy, I know these scenarios will never take place, and I am fine with it.
Daydreaming has actually been proven to help with many things, like planning your future, finding creative solutions to challenges, and even sometimes as a resting strategy for assimilation. I sometimes use my maladaptive daydreaming strategy to gather strength again, especially if I feel completely drained after socialising for too long or hyper-focusing on something. I just curl up in my own mental bubble, where I control every aspect of the story I create. I intentionally dissociate myself from a reality that I find overwhelming and give myself the mental space I need to feel better. I even "help" my brain dive into it faster with special playlists I have created…
So why do I say it is also slightly concerning? Well, even if I use my maladaptive daydreaming as a strategy to recover, I can feel how easy it would be to just spend days in my own head, refusing to face reality. I have been battling anxiety and depression for years now (it turns out they are both symptoms of my ADHD, oh well…), and as a result, I have been using dissociative strategies on a regular basis.
How do I control this? How do I ensure I do not fall into a pattern that could increase my negative feelings when I feel like I am seeking comfort? Because I know it can become a vicious circle. The more you fantasise, the more reality seems hurtful and boring, and the more you seek comfort in your fantasy to compensate.
I have decided to pay more attention to my mind. Yes, as I said before, I am confident my maladaptive daydreaming can be used as a strength. But I also want to feel better; I want to use it as a creative tool, not a coping strategy.
Now when I feel the need for it, I pause for a minute and ask myself why. What is happening at this instant that leads me to seek this refuge? Am I triggered by something? Am I feeling lonely, or am I just bored? If I am bored, I will turn it into something creative, write the story or try to find another creative way to use this fantasy. If the reason is more negative than that, I make a conscious effort to find another strategy to feel better:
- Journaling is my favourite one. I have already written an entire article about why journaling can be beneficial (you can find it here), but to resume, in this case, I use it to find clarity. I use journaling to understand what is bothering me; what I need to work on to feel better. I may not like the answer, but at least it is giving me something to work with.
- Meditation is also an excellent tool. Sit with the uncomfortable, focus on the breath and have more headspace. It can seem daunting, but it is so powerful. Some guided meditations are very soothing, designed to help you scan your body, deal with your emotions, and accept how you feel instead of seeking an escape. As I said,… very powerful. If you want to try this, here is a video for a guided meditation I use often: Meditation for Clarity
- Exercise. Okay, I am honest, this is my least favourite one, and sometimes I just don't have enough energy to even consider it. But that being said, I have found that from time to time, 15 to 20 minutes spent moving my body in a way that works for me is very helpful. I do yoga or mobility exercises, I go for a walk around the block, or I just put some music in my headphones and dance alone in my bedroom. I shake the uncomfortable feelings away. I then feel more energised and more comfortable in my body but also in my head (getting endorphins from the exercise is the best boost ever). Here is a link for a quick yoga session to help you reconnect to your body: Yoga for focus.
So here is my take on all of this: as I learn to navigate the symptoms of my ADHD and start to recognise my coping mechanisms, I don't believe I should just get rid of them. Instead, I want to find ways to adapt them to serve a higher purpose: accepting who I am and feeling good about it. So today, I recognise that my maladaptive daydreaming can be the symptom of something deeper and darker, but I also recognise the use I can have of it to tap into my creative mind, so I will not give it up. Maybe one day, I will not feel the need to daydream about Chris Evans anymore, but for now, I am just going to be more conscious about it, and that's enough.
If you also want to dive a little deeper in the subject, I invite you to read these articles:
Verywellmind.com Maladaptive daydreaming may be a better diagnosis
